I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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