Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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