I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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