Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
