Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
