I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
