You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
