Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
