I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
two words...techno handjob
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am available for nakedness
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
