I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
