Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
