After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
