Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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