I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
