did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
