i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
