My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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