You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
