i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
