I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
