our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
