someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
