I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
