atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
