I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
