ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
