I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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