I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
