She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
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Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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