I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
