I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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