You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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