Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
