he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
