Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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