It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
