Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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