He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
