Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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