I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
