If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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