part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
