The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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