I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
