If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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