Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
