hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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