you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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