If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
