Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
