Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
