i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
