I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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