she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
