Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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