Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
