Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
