so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize