i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
