what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
