I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
