And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
