Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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