So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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