Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Bring me that man meat
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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