so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
