omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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