It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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