is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
