i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
