my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
