Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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