Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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