His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
