so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
