it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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